What to Do? 5

[chris19]

What I want is to be happy with her; which blows, b/c it is not reality at the moment. So I guess me answer is; I do not want to give up yet.

I am not sure if she would file if I do not file... I am really unsure of anything she is doing/acting like these days; its saddening.

The flicker of hope does tell me she can change under the right circumstances; but it is just that, a flicker. I am becoming so clear headed now about how she has been treating me not just as of the BD, but the year leading up to the BD (when she started this affair). I was in such an unhealthy place before - which I can see now; and I can also see how it effected the R. I also see how she is responding to this whole situation, by using blame shifting, validation, dismissal, and lying; which lets me know she is still wayward and not in a healthy state.

I need to focus my energy and thoughts to a peaceful place, knowing I got to where I am; and now I just need to deal with it as an adult for my safety. If that means enforcing boundaries to a WW, so be it. But the life of being stuck in a R with a WW is absolutely worse than a life without the woman you used to love.