So I ask you all, please give me some thoughts or words of advise for me because I am actually meeting up with her. Without expectations, what are some plans of attack here?
Plans of attack? Do you mean plan of action?
What is it you want, Chris? Are you ready to sign the papers? If not, then would she persue with a D? IDK, I am asking you.
If you do not want to sign papers, just tell her. Don't get into a R talk. Simply tell her you aren't ready. And if you are ready.......do it.
Considering how she loves to tempt check you, it's difficult for me to believe she has any papers, or that she'll actually file them......unless she gets mad enough. I think she wants to taunt you......and that's her reason for the meeting. She may flash some papers and try to make it sound like it's what you want. Don't let her get to you with her games. You are Fonzie Cool, sitting there and watching her performance........until you tire of it.
Your plan of action is to stay out of a R discussion with her. That is your main focus. If she starts putting words in your mouth, you don't have to reply......b/c it is how she plays the game. You can say, once, something like, "You are free to think whatever you want. I am not here to argue or try to change your mind".
She knows what she has done wrong. Don't take responsibility for her failures. You can sit there listening to her cr@p, or you can leave (if you see she's not signed any papers). If she has signed them...,...then it's your decision what to do. Sign them and walk away, or tell her you aren't ready, and walk away.
I don't want to sound as if I'm encouraging you to D. I just want you to know what you really want in your heart. I want to encourage you to examine your mind/heart as to why you really want her. Not what you wish she was.......but the real person you know her to be. I ask, as an outsider. Why do you love her? Can you see her changing? Do you see a dissolution of the M, as a personal failure? Would that mindset cause you to cling to an unhealthy R? If you really want to keep this girl, in hopes that she might change........then don't sign the papers. Just be deeply honest with yourself. We are on your side. ((hugs))
FWIW, I don't know anything about legal dissolution of M, where one spouse refuses to sign. I don't know if it does any good to contest it. I suppose it might go before a Judge? IDK. Knowing your options, or if you have any, is the smart action.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
