So once again I get kicked in the a** from my WW. According to my lawyer even though my w is getting custody of the car in the divorce. I still will be responsible and can be sued if the car gets repossessed. He advises that I talk with about selling the car if ahe won't make the payments. This should be a find conversation to have.
The last thing my W wants is to have me tell her or even suggest what she should do. According to a friend, I was discussing this with. W is on FB talking about how life is great now. How the hell is life great when your car can be taken at any moment? A person like this cannot be reasoned with. So hoping for good suggestions from the forum.
This is a screwup on the part of your lawyer. She should be required to refinance the vehicle as part of the divorce settlement, not simply "get the car in the divorce" leaving the financing as is. As you have found out, this leaves you financially liable for an asset that you have no interest in. This should be addressed BEFORE the judge approves the settlement.
One other thing to make note of: most states have automatic temporary restraining orders that go into effect when someone files for divorce, that require you to leave insurance etc as is, keep paying the mortgage and car payment, etc. Who paid that bill previously? If it was you, you need to keep paying it. If it was her, then she does. One of you is likely in contempt of court. If you've suffered harm as a result of her not paying that payment, you might be entitled to some relief (but don't count on it).
Thanks for that tip. Never even considered refinancing. W and I always had a joint account. So technically we both paid for everything. But as we separated, ahe took one vehicle and I the other. Been making the payments on the one I was driving. And she claimed that she was making payments on hers. Even after my lawyer asked her earlier, she lied right to this face.
I contacted the bank one nore time to be sure and they stated that no payments have been made since August. Bank asked if I wanted to make a payment to prevent it from going to the repo board soon? I told them that was now W problem. And all I cared about was saving my own credit at this point. And if they decided to take the car, I understood and had no ill will towards them.
On another note my W went down to my lawyers office trying to weasel her way out of child support. Lawyer told me that W was complaining about no longer having her weekend job. Which I am sure they probably fired her due to all those no shows. Lawyer told her that little bit of money wasn't changing anything. W thenbtries to be slick saying that S14 doesn't want to stay with me every other week.
My lawyer saw first hand just how low my W would go and told her to just sign the papers. W then signed and walked out. Then he called tonwarn that I should be careful and not to put anything pass W before all this is over with. He recognizes the signs of someone trying to scheme their way out if something.
So now that the divorce is underway. Just wanted to know if anyone had any advice or just anything unexpected that could possibly happen. At this point my focus has been in S14 and GAL whenever possible. Been hard lately to really do anything with friends. Most of them have families or serious relationships of their own. So that keeps them busy.
Trying not to let this mess get the best of me during the holidays. My W has always been a grinch during the holidays, so the good news is that S14 and myself will actually get to decorate the house the way we seer fit. On another note, its time to invest in some new pants again. Losing too much weight now....lol
I am always glad when I see anger. It marks a new phase in the Kubler Ross cycle.
Anger comes tinged with other emotions, there is red anger, raging and destructive. There is white anger which is directive and structured. There is green anger which is creative and forward moving. Black anger which is murderous and evil.
This WW would drive a saint to anger. She has worms in her brains, truly wayward. It can't end well. Protect yourself and your son, and getting this sort of destructive anger may cause you to do something really stupid.
So get out of the way, go no contact, I speak as one whose xWH had at least 9 OW. Many of whom were scuzzies of the first and last order. I still see two of them in and around the village plying their trade. It's getting old news. Both get their knickers off for any male in sight.....
Would I want the ex back knowing this? Really I am done and detached and let go. Now to move on.
Your son deserves your help, children (because he is so), want to love both parents. In this I agree with Ginger and I read you justifying your actions over and over in telling your son in the way you did. I think this way is damaging to your R with your child. And I am sad for it, for both of you, this needs repair not rationalisation. I understand the reason and identify the anger and I can't validate it. These matters are private for your family, not a public matter. It can have more delicacy.
Children know much more than we realise and as much as they want to know they also do not want to know. Your anger is not your child's anger. He needs you and your anger will create distance to you not WW. At best is not in your interest and at worst could seriously backfire. You married WW knowing her history, I assume her mother and grandmothers issues were out there when you M (even if you didn't see it). That is your choice and you chose her as the mother of your son. Like it or not he is a genetic mix of the two of you. He can not deny that part of himself.
In my view you can heal this with your precious son. He is old enough to know and make his own evaluation of his mother. If you can apologise for how you said this that would help a great deal and say it will not happen again. This is for your benefit as well as that of your son. Your son sounds discrete and private, this is an invasion of his rights of that discretion and privacy. Those are my views.
Frankly WW doesn't matter, your child does.
Those are my views.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for the advice. Actually S14 and myself have been great since the talk. W started complaining to my lawyer about it, but she should be relieved considering that I didn't tell S14 90% of the trifiling things she has been up to. I simply let him know why I was getting this divorce and that unlike his mother and her family this was a big deal.
Now I did have my concerns about marrying W after meeting her family. But she was very different at the time and talked bad about their behavior. Hell, she talked bad about them folks for years. And now suddenly she wants to be like her mother and the very women she personally dogged. So this came out if nowhere for me. Only thing I can do now is move on.
Now moving on is going to be difficult with W trying to continue with family activities. For example, I had S14 this past week and normally on the first Saturday in December the city has a 24 hour even that we always attend as a family. W asked if I was taking S14 this year and I said yes. And as usual I would invite a few of his friends to come along with us. Nowhere in the conversation was an invite to W.
So Friday W goes to S14 school for lunch and talks to his friends and somehow weasels her way into picking up some children to attend. So Saturday I was stuck with and MIL who she invited along. They tool a couple of photos to show slight interaction, then wondered off to the do adult things at the event, while I was with the boys. Every now and W would pop up for a photo OP. I wanted to go off on her and tell her to go away. But I had to stay cool, smile and be cordial for the children.
Anger comes tinged with other emotions, there is red anger, raging and destructive. There is white anger which is directive and structured. There is green anger which is creative and forward moving. Black anger which is murderous and evil.
Do you have a color for unstructured anger that just kinda sits there? That's where I'm at now. I'm pretty mad at XW, though I don't let it drive my actions and I keep reminding myself that I am not going to hate the mother of my child, no matter what she did or who she is now.
It's not raging and destructive. It's not directive and structured. It's not creative and forward moving. It's not murderous and evil. It's just... kinda there. And I wish it weren't.
At this point my anger is green for the most part. And white at least a moment during the week. Don't quite hate my W, but its a very strong dislike. Parenting schedule is from Sunday to Sunday afternoon. So W text earlier saying that Sunday morning she is taking S14 out of town to see her brother on a day trip and will not be back until late that night. So wants to know if its alright to bring S14 back to me Monday after school. Talking about S14 really wants to see his new cousin.
Now for the record this new nephew of my W was born back in July. And now she finally cares enough to go see the kid. And wants to do so on a day, I'm supposed to get my son back for the week. I know the reason, she won't do the visit on Saturday prior is because SIL has to work. But considering that SIL is a nasty human being who I could careless about. I'm half tempted to tell W to just go on Saturday without SIL and bring back my son on the agreed time. Right now the IOU's for my W in regards to S14 are seriously racking up, while I currently owe her nothing.
And this is the same person who complained about me not allowing her to pick up S14 early last week, because she was down the street from the house grocery shopping....smh. So the question is whether I should just agree to this or tell W she taking advantage?
