If life gives you lemon....do lemonade

[ciluzen]

Lana...I get it. You are attempting to be the lighthouse.

Sometimes that's the best thing we can do to keep the family somewhat functioning as a unit, to provide peace of mind and a sense of security for our children, and to create the sense of family. Sometimes, as in my case (and it seems, in yours) the MLCer slowly starts to realize that their family is still there as a unit and that they are a) the odd man out b) welcome to join in at any time c) there is no pressure or expectation that they join in. This is hard and takes a lot of patience.

Our feelings about the matter are ours; our reactions and actions are as well. Emphasizing family and personal strength in a cr*ppy situation will make the situation better in the long run for the kids, but also for all of you. And those kids are looking to you to learn how to deal with adversity for that inevitable time (or times) that they will deal with it in their adult lives. Should they lash out? Divide people? Collapse in on themselves? Or carry on, move on, and continue living and growing? You are their model. What you are doing is showing them grace, strength, and the importance of family. Without angrily excluding someone due to personal pain. Hey, unconditional love is without conditions. We love our kids even when we dislike their behaviors; why is it different with a MLCer...the person we vowed to love unconditionally?

You are a lighthouse. Your entire family will see and know this. You will most likely know when your light no longer reaches him...and even then he may drift back around.