I'm not sure if I caught the thread that was deleted or fully understand your situation, but I tried to read through as much as I can of this thread. It seems what you're experiencing is still the early stage of this process where everything seems unreal and doesn't make sense. It's so hard to be in a state of chaos, not knowing where life is headed, watching your marriage unravel and trying to act one way when you feel another way. It's just so hard. I feel sure this is the worst feeling anyone could ever feel short of dying slowly from a terminal illness, the actual death of a close loved one, or some kind of environmental catastrophe. I guess you have to submit yourself to the unknown and trust that you'll find the resources and support to navigate your way through this in a way that gives the best shot at a positive outcome. I hope this is the worst and it gets better from here!
