WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[DonH]

hoosjim- i feel like i can tell you exactly what she is thinking... exactly why she is doing what she is doing--and more so, why she isn't doing certain things.

OMG that is like gold around here. I can't and won't answer for Jim but can tell you that most all of us here place the first hand accounts of former WAW or WW at the front of the line.

If she starts acting up then guess what I do?

Starts acting up? Wow. That just caught my eye. Kids act up. Students act up. Even horses act up, but spouses?

Anyhow the actual reason for my post is this: earlier on in my M, before the BD and separation, and before I knew DB even existed, we had a "rough patch". It went on for near six months during which I'd say what we were doing was "piecing". As things got better my W still withheld sex and somewhat effection. Normally she wanted sex everyday. Now, however things were different. I don't know if she was punishing me, not sure or what. It just felt to me like piecing or that she was still not sure about staying in the M even though everything else had gotten much better. In hindsight I think she knew she coukd call the shots, so she dud just that. That continued until one night when she butt dialed me. Right or wrong I heard her out with a male co-worker. No lines were crossed between the two of them sexually but she had not so nice things to say about me and the M. After they parted it disconnected. Within a minute she calls me all cheerful, friendly, "how are you? I'm on my way home. How is your night going, etc." until I told her I had just heard everything. She was very embarrassed and apology filled. The odd thing about it and why I tell this story is that brought it all to a close. Right or wrong, our rough patch ended that night and she was fully back in the R. Of course 4 years or 3.5 years later she dropped the bomb and left.

A lot could be said on his I could have better handled my end but my point is, it just took the tabels turning like that to snap her. I don't know if this relates to your sitch or not but it feels similar to me. Perhaps had I gone dark, etc, that would have had the same effect? It just feels like my W knew she had the upper hand if you will. She had me so she didn't have to do anything. She then lost that at least in her mind with that accidental call and she could no longer hold out. It feels like that's what your W is doing. She knows she has you back. She knows she can do whatever she wants as long as OM is not contacted. She knows she doesn't have to kiss you. She doesn't want to either but knows she does not have to. When she got caught with OM she knew she had to change. Now she's back with the upper hand. I just wonder if that doesn't need to be changed.

Take what you can from that. I hope it helps.