Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 7

[Holding]

J9 and JoeJoe, thanks for the input. You're helping me make my decision.

LH, man, why you always bustin' my chops?

But seriously, I can see how you might think this is a contradiction (and I can see how you might think what I'm about to say is a denial).

Just because I'm asking Artista about her recon doesn't mean I want to save my M. In all the recon stories I've read, the moment of the WAS having a change of heart and thinking "Wait, I don't want this" is what I've heard least about. I've always been curious about love and R's, why they work and don't work, and what makes them fail. I've certainly gained a lot of new insight on that in my sitch.

I know my M is dead. STBXW is no longer a good match for me. It's time for me to move on. I won't deny there's a small part of me that wonders about recon and saving the M, but it's not a part I listen to any more.

Is it possible in 3 years, after we're D, my XW and I will recon? Yes, but I'm still not in a place where I can see how that would even happen. Would she be able to change into a person I want in my life? Could she put aside all of her bitterness, anger at the world in general, and face her own issues? Would she be able to wipe away my memory of S10 sitting motionless on the sofa, tears slowly dropping down his cheeks, as she tells him we're getting a D? Who knows? That's the distant future and not something I can worry about right now.

My M is a burning building and I've got to get out.