Chapter 5 - Turning over to a new page

[bigybiz]

Maximus:

Thanks for your post. I already live like that. My family and I operate without her. I plan what I want, when I want almost with her in isolation.

I had a huge confidence boost when D21 moved back in this fall. To me that was a signal that I'm a stable, loving, supportive and not needy, etc. I do not get the feeling she came home to rescue her brothers. I love having her here.

I know part of me sees this as winning her approval - but the other part of me sees it as an opportunity to show my kids that no matter what mistakes I've made over the last 10 years. I will be step up and be the best father, husband, man I can be for them.

Goals:

1) In Sept 2018 D21 and S17 will leave the nest for University. I have until then to win back their trust, love, support etc.

2) My DB coach told me that I should "budget" 1 month of separation for every year married. That equals 24 months. I've recently read/listened/learned about Limerence. Which the "experts" say lasts typically 18 to 36 months. So I'm at the two year mark - give or take the actual start.

So my "goal" for the next 12 to 18 months is to back the "bleep" up. or detach. Barring divorce proceedings, I intend to have little contact with her, keep living my life at full throttle as I have and hope that I can be ready for divorce or for the best possible marriage with her sometime in late 2018/early 2019.