Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 7

[Holding]

Thanks to JoeJoe, AS, C'Nut, FC, Dusty, and Jim for taking the time to respond.

On the argument with STBXW, I knew I was going to get plenty of 2x4's. Y'all didn't disappoint.

<nerdmode> Ever see that episode of Star Trek The Next Generation where Worf does the Klingon Rite of Ascension? He has to slowly walk through a row of Klingons warriors who shock him with taser prods. Each time he's shocked, he falls to the ground. His goal is to get up and keep going until he makes it through. I feel like Worf right now. </nerdmode>

AS got me thinking about what my goal is. It's not saving my M. It's getting my self respect and my b@lls back. It's showing my sons that a real man does not run from adversity. I'm tired of retreating. If someone attacks a man, isn't he supposed to defend himself? My STBXW uses plenty of dirty rhetorical tricks and manipulation. I can confront them without using them. I'm not letting her intimidate me any more. I'm going to stand in her face and laugh.

Let's talk about my sons and what effect this has on them. Whether I stand up to her or walk away from an argument, she still walks around the house slamming things and snapping. There's no scenario where the kids don't know what's going on. There's no protecting them from her.

Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I do wish I hadn't called her by her maiden name, since it upset S10. I realize I could've done better and I need to find a better balance here. I need to remind myself "I love my kids more than I'm angry at her."

I'm not sure how this plays into things, but I realized the argument we had is exactly like one her parents would've had. That is what STBXW thinks a normal "argument" looks like - mud slinging and nastiness. This is probably what she wanted more of in the M.