WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[Coconut]

not sure what i can really do to force the action.

I could, i suppose, insist that if we are to continue with this that she MUST follow the professional advice we are receiving

I could also always force the issue of her R with bff...

unless i can be certain she is supporting us in our efforts, you need to stop hanging out with her. But that seems kind of thin and possibly even controlling on my part.

But otherwise i don't see what i can do at this point but tighten up as described above, take the lead on the MC, and await developments.

I'm surprised that no one has ever addressed the fact that you treat your wife like a kid. She isn't, Marriage isn't about one person teaching the other person how to be a spouse (as you teach a kid to be an adult), it's about two adults wanting to share their lives with each other.

If, when, she wants to be with you, she will consider your feelings regarding BFF and SHE WILL decide what she wants to do about that, you don't get to decide for her. YOU get to decide if you want to be with the person she is, she gets to decide who she is.

I think you completely dismissed the suggestions that you should live your life and stop trying to control your W.

You say that it wouldn't be "right" for you to go out and have a good time if she's intentionally not going out. I ask you why? She had the A, she has to work on herself, and if that requires her not going out to not Stray (because she wants to commit), that's great for her. That does not dictate that you aren't able to go out and enjoy your life, you staying home JUST so that she won't go out is controlling, and not healthy.