All of your posts are focused on WW. Nothing will happen until you detach.
What does that mean?
Imagine you are on a water-ski following a speed boat. You are going wherever that speed boat goes. Deep water, towards the rocks, fast or slow. Wherever that boat goes you follow. At the moment that boat is driven by a crazy woman, your WW. And you are following analysing every move and adjusting your balance and technique to influence.
You can't track like this. Truly healing growth and attraction won't work until you detach and move into observer mode.
You have every right to analyse as you do, act as you are and fight for your M in every way you can. Rather than run around, stand and observe. It's called standing for a reason, not called running around or chasing or appeasing or pursuing.
Pursuing just means that your skis also have power.
Simply don't, you can't pursue a WW back, or talk her back or be inconsistent. Consistency isn't behaving one way this month and another next. It's month upon month of standing and detaching.
Just at this time your WW is calling the shots, as part of detaching get legal advice, your kids need you more than ever as the consistent solid force in their lives.
Do not leave your home the MBR. Stay put. You are not the wayward.
My thoughts
V
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
What do you want? Who are you?
All of your posts are focused on WW. Nothing will happen until you detach.
What does that mean?
Imagine you are on a water-ski following a speed boat. You are going wherever that speed boat goes. Deep water, towards the rocks, fast or slow. Wherever that boat goes you follow. At the moment that boat is driven by a crazy woman, your WW. And you are following analysing every move and adjusting your balance and technique to influence.
You can't track like this. Truly healing growth and attraction won't work until you detach and move into observer mode.
You have every right to analyse as you do, act as you are and fight for your M in every way you can. Rather than run around, stand and observe. It's called standing for a reason, not called running around or chasing or appeasing or pursuing.
Pursuing just means that your skis also have power.
Simply don't, you can't pursue a WW back, or talk her back or be inconsistent. Consistency isn't behaving one way this month and another next. It's month upon month of standing and detaching.
Just at this time your WW is calling the shots, as part of detaching get legal advice, your kids need you more than ever as the consistent solid force in their lives.
Do not leave your home the MBR. Stay put. You are not the wayward.
My thoughts
V _______________
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Standing is looking after you first and your children. It is not following her every action. It is stillness, a pool of calmy.
It is standing firm, making your decisions and standing by them, like the lighthouse in a storm keeps its beaconot lit.
It is saying " this is what I am going to do and doing it" irrespective of the reaction.
It is strong.
It is consistent.
It is living your life dealing with your stuff without interfering in hers.
It is setting boundaries you can enforce and enforcing them.
It is getting off that water ski.
It is putting you and your children first, last and in the middle.
It is being open and telling the truth, dealing with your feelings and hurts. It is telling those who love you and are concerned, who can give you support that your WW is having an affair with this particular OM and you are hurt. It is telling her that if asked you won't lie. I am of the view there is no value in outing an R, but there is no value in lying or hiding either.
It is not appeasing WW and protecting your children from her mad unpleasant and awful behaviour. I have no sympathy for waywards at all, not one jot of any human milk of kindness. Your children are living with this madness and it's time to stand and be the rock.
Children are the most important thing in your sitch, your precious children need you standing and solid.
V
_________________________ Me 63 xH 61: T 5 M 1.5: BD x3, S 6-14: D 5-16 then lunacy, next hearing 3-18
Age is just a number
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Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
