Detaching is stepping away, but it's mostly an attitude. Detaching has to be in your thought pattern. If it isn't, then you have to train yourself. Stop focusing on your WW, and focus on you and your kids. From what I've read, everything has been about her, and you trying to win her back. The cases I have seen successful came when the H let go of his WW. I mean, really let her go. Can you do it? Btw, detaching does not mean you have to stop loving her.
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Originally Posted By: Mercury but don't know what to expect... other than a lot of alone time every other week...
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
Why do you have to be alone? Take some time to 'date yourself'...to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. Join some groups, learn some new hobbies, read some books, etc. LIVE YOUR LIFE! If youre doing it right, youll be so tired when you get home, it wont even matter that she isnt there.
Originally Posted By: Maximus
GAL & Detaching as has been said is a frame of mind, an attitude. It is not doing the dishes, salsa dancing, having a few beers, etc. It is the reason behind these actions.
The opposite is loving someone. It is not buying flowers, chocolates, pda but the feeling behind those actions. The driving force.
Everything you do is centred around what she may or may not think or act. Your wife is going to leave you physically. She has done so emotionally. She is having sex repeatedly with another man and probably even like in the movies. The hot sweaty type. Yet I still get the feeling this has not really sunk in what it all means.
How much further away does she have to go for you understand the reality of your situation and where you really fit in her life?
How can you still trust anything she says regarding feelings, finances, etc. All agreements whether written or emotional have small print. The problem is we tend to overlook them until problems start. Right now you should start reading it and covering your back otherwise I can see you in a few months time complaining what she did, how she lied to you, how you never thought, bla bla bla.
You also keep on about how bad you were and how it was the cause of the breakdown. You told her, apologized so now shelve it.
Driving her away was maybe your doing but into someone else's bed was of her own 2 feet. That's on her. And just to be clear, I would not hide from anyone the reality. Dont turn it into a drama but dot the I's. She's leaving you for someone else. Don't try and get sympathy just project that you are passed it, accepted it and dealing with the consequences this change will bring.
Your posts are also splattered with insignificant battles or not even that, skirmishes where she said A and you said B bla bla. Dont waste time on them. Dont second guest her reasons, actions or respond to her provocations. I also found that sometimes I p1ssed my W more when I walked away instead of retaliating.
In short you really have to focus more on yourself, your wishes, the reality and building yourself up into a stronger mental state than being reactive to everything she says or does. Pick and choose your battles if you need to. Keep her off her guard by being unpredictable so that at least you can have some peace and not have her affect you everytime she has a depressive attack, feels angry or unsure and needs to attack someone. If she is planning to leave you for Mr. B then let him deal with her issues. After all he is now the person in her heart, not you.
Oh and for crying out loud stop with those hugs and hands on the shoulder. If you were doing correct DB you would know why.
Emotionally you cannot compete with Mr. B, he is where you once were so he needs to be out before you can try to get back in. Your tactics are wrong and you have to dig in for a trench warfare like relationship before things will get better.
