Following that - she wants to be divorced, so start moving towards that sort of life. The key thing to focus on is that you are going to need to be in survival mode for the next while. Think about what sort of future you envision as a single dad and work towards this. A key thing though - and this will be tough - is that you need to be the "sane parent". The one that the kids can count on. It sounds like your W is "allowing" you to pick up a lot of the parenting load. Document document document. It may be important when talking about custody. Expect her to be neglectful as she moves in to her new "happily ever yadda yadda". If you want examples, check out Gordie's thread. He's doing an amazing job of being the sane parent there.
Finally - I'd like you to take a good honest look at four things.
Firstly yourself. Do you like the "man in the mirror"? You're stuck with him so he'd better be someone you like.
Secondly your wife. Take off those rose coloured glasses. Mine were pretty firmly attached I know. Consider objectively who she is and importantly who she "was". For many people in this mess a lot of what comes out are things that were buried for years that were part of their family of origin such as my own STBX's selfishness.
Thirdly your role as a father. You're going to have to do 50% of the parenting on your own for a while. Are you up to it?
Finally your marriage. You've pointed out a number of places where you perhaps were not the best partner your wife could have had. Whether that was responsible for her dashing off with OM or not is immaterial now. That horse has left the barn. Being super-husband and wonder-dad isn't going to fix that and make her reconsider. But for any new relationship, including a possible one with your current wife, how do you see that working? If you dig through the archives you will read that after a marriage is so broken that one of the partners needs to leave that any new relationship has to be treated as just that and not a continuation of the old one.
