WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[hoosjim]

I will be tickled pink if I'm wrong.......but I think she is trying to get through Christmas, and then she'll BD you.....or just replay her old actions (benefit from the M, but live as a single). Either way, she seems to be setting the tone.

Sandi, you make a very convincing case... I hope you are wrong.

At this point not sure what I can do. I had planned on bringing up the troubling shopping trip during Wednesday's session, and also questioning her commitment in general. She had taken down the flower photo off of FB shortly after she finally appeared to start coming to her senses and start working on us, but i never thought to ask her if she deleted the photo from FB and phone archives. I'd been going to mention that, too... hoping to start the convo with MC again about affair addictiveness and recovery. I still have suspicions about those two items of jewelry but right now that's all they are, and not even any concrete reasons to suspect she is contacting OM... and not sure how I would find out.

Sooo... other than tightening up on what i will "accept" from her crap-wise (and I think both the shopping and the kiss qualify, as would retention of the FB photo if she still has it) not sure what i can really do to force the action. I could, i suppose, insist that if we are to continue with this that she MUST follow the professional advice we are receiving (i.e. she has to go to IC), otherwise "I won't waste my time."

I could also always force the issue of her R with bff... Saying "look, W, I just don't know how this is going to work with you and bff being so close under the circs. She's the one who broke trust with me as a friend, so I am the aggrieved party here, but I've heard nothing from her, no olive branch or explanation or anything, and last I heard she was effectively lobbying against our marriage. I'm not willing to continue trying to work on our MR under those circumstances... unless i can be certain she is supporting us in our efforts, you need to stop hanging out with her." But that seems kind of thin and possibly even controlling on my part. But otherwise i don't see what i can do at this point but tighten up as described above, take the lead on the MC, and await developments.

What do you think about DonH's suggestion above about discussing the kiss (which i could also possibly bring up in the MC session wednesday). That doesn't sound like "apologizing for kissing her"... more like asking her "are YOU sorry I kissed you." I do get what he's saying... if she is really "trying" she shouldn't be "testing". She should be committed to exploring the intimate connection "in the moment" without judging it, yes? What do you think?