WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[sandi2]

"I want to be able to go where I want to go, without worrying about this or that. I wasn't even thinking about that being his hangout when i first thought of going there, i just wanted to look at clothes. After you brought that up then i definitely wanted to go there just to prove that i could do it..."

First all, if she had repented for her waywardness, she should not be acting out on rebellious feelings. Not if she genuinely repeated. But I have to tell you, Jim, that above quote from her is nothing but a cop out. A WW cop out! I mean, the audacity! I'm afraid I would have had to tell Miss High & Mighty that she is suppose to be earning your trust. You did explain how that works with transparency, etc. Right? It's not necessary to remind her of previous activities with OM, but apparently, her "commitment" to work to save her M has slipped her mind.

It was actually NOT a clear invitation from her... at least not probably in the sense you were thinking. She was not wanting to be kissed, but, rather, was wanting to see if I would kiss her.

Sorry, I was thinking like a woman. And, yes, I knew exactly what she had on her mind, and that was to see if (1) you would kiss her, and (2) if she felt sparks. Of course, she wouldn't feel anything b/c she still has OM in her head.....and she wants to act as if she's single. She can feel sparks for her H when she's wayward.

She also had been a rabid, and I mean RABID consumer of romance novels leading up to the A with OM, so she has a good, solid, understanding of the fantasy life she thinks she can have.

Yeah, I am very familiar with those actions (romantic movies, novels, etc.). If her head is still stuck in fantasy land, I'm afraid you won't be having much intimacy soon. Unfortunately, the holidays are over-romantized, and that doesn't help her fantasy.

She says she still thinks most everything is better between us than ever

Sure......as friends. And that would be okay (since you are working toward piecing) if she would follow up with the MC/IC. But she's trying to make it your fault that she doesn't feel a thrill.....without her putting any effort into it. I understand her! I really do! But her thinking is wrong.

And now if she goes off on her own she will be being selfish and hurt everybody else

WW script.

Also that she wants to go off and try all these new things, skydiving, etc., but "doesn't see herself doing them with me or really with anyone exxcept maybe her girlfriends" and that she's sorry but that "she knows that hurts me to hear".

She has said this stuff in the past. If you reversed it and said you couldn't see yourself with her.......it would hurt like heck! She would probably be pi$$ed about it. Sorry, but she sounds as if she's really backslid.

And, finally, another thing... and kind of disturbing/sad. The un-returned kiss was a revelation to me. I find that there are few things as unattractive as a woman who doesn't respond to you. I was not so much "hurt" by the lack of response as I was left feeling very empty. It DID sound like an invitation to kiss her and initiate something... but the reasons for the invitation were selfish on her part, imo, almost like a temp check though not exactly.

I have to agree. Very self-centered, indeed.

Idunno. If she is committed to this she needs to be committed. Someone told me once that if you go into something expecting it to suck or expecting to be unhappy, chances are it is going to suck or you are going to be unhappy. If you commit to BEING happy and commit to making something work and come out GOOD, you vastly increase your chances of that happening. Right now, it seems, she expects no spark between us, and she expects her holiday to suck, so both those things are likely to come true.

Exactly!

Oh, and she actually copped to the flowers at her office that she took the picture of as her FB front page being from OM, saying "well you knew he sent me flowers"

Well, isn't that sweet..........and she decided to preserve it on FB. . That's very telling, Jim.

AFAIK she is still "Non contacting" the Om... but i am starting to wonder if she is thinking of this as "doing time" for a year, after which she will be able to say "I tried" and then end the MR.

No, I think she's making some type of contact. Burner phone, BFF as the go-between, something. She's not going to wait a year. She can already say she's tried.......even went to MC with you......but nothing worked. It's script.

I will be tickled pink if I'm wrong.......but I think she is trying to get through Christmas, and then she'll BD you.....or just replay her old actions (benefit from the M, but live as a single). Either way, she seems to be setting the tone.