Good job on being busy/GALing. She's asking you questions because A) since she cheated on you she automatically thinks you could be cheating on her and B) because she really just wants you to be sitting waiting for her as Plan B in case it doesn't work out with OM. DON'T do anything she could blame you for later (like actually dating) but DO go out with friends and try new things, and don't feel you have to give her a detailed explanation every time you do. (It's good for her to feel a pang of jealousy).
Resign yourself to the likelihood that she will move out after the holidays - she has a lot invested in this OM and he already dumped his wife for her, so he's going to be pressuring her to follow through. But that doesn't mean game over - she's already noticing your positive changes. Keep being a great dad, a little mysterious, and congrats on the weight loss (the affair diet is brutal but it works! I swear I'm gonna study it some day). Avoid pursuing but it's ok to try to speak her love languages in sneaky ways (If you haven't read Chapman's book on the Five Love Languages, it's highly recommended and a quick read).
For instance, if her love language is words of affirmation, it's ok to say things like "that's a nice blouse" or "that color looks good on you". Nothing too personal.
If her love language is quality time, even though she doesn't want to spend time with you, just stop whatever you're doing when she speaks to you and listen intently. (Quality time was one of my ex's love languages, and I used to be busily mulitasking when he'd come home and want to talk to me. Once I started DBing I'd stop and just listen. We're divorced now but had DB reconciled successfully for several years before the divorce.)
If her love language is gifts, make sure the KIDS buy her something really thoughtful for Xmas.
If it's acts of service - sounds like you're already doing that by picking up the slack at home.
If it's physical touch - that one's harder since she doesn't really want you to touch her. Still, there might be an opportunity for a playful bump as you pass her in the kitchen or some such. (NOTE - ONLY if this is her love language.) ... talking to her at all about the relationship or about why she shouldn't leave is a losing game at this point. Owning your own faults in the marriage and apologizing for them is good, and it sounds like you've done that. The one small "truth dart" you might shoot her way, when the opportunity arises (i.e. NOT when you're angry or in a fight) is this one:
"If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you".
She'll be mad you said it, but I promise you, she'll think about it. She's trading in a loyal (if previously difficult) husband for a cheater with low morals. Some part of her will be wondering if she's making a mistake.
Also - remember, OM is pressuring her at the moment. You should be the opposite: kind, understanding, "I love you and think you're making a mistake but if you feel you have to do this I won't stand in your way".
Keep working on being the best version of you that you can be. Either she'll eventually realize what she's missing, or you'll recover from this marriage in a much better place to move forward and have a happy life with or without her.
Postpone S/D if it coincides with special annual events (Birthday, Xmas, etc.) so children don't associate that with S/D going forward.
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
