Separation imminent....

[Hermes]

Sitch recap:

W wants out and OM (they believe they are perfect for each other) both leaving Spouse to be together).
W move out soon

many dead ends on DB prior to finding MWD and still some continue R/A talk occasionally.

I still have problem with Defending self (esp. when W lies or twists facts).
Working hard on learning Validating: still working on doing it right and consistently.
GAL'ing: but had some derails listening to W
Not planning to cancel GAL anymore unless it's for Children

R not likely; she's mad about mountain of past issues mostly (ignoring, verbal, div. labor, being emotionally unavail.) and AP/OM provides ALOT of comfort and joy which she cannot get enough of AND refuses to stop A even though recognizes it's wrong on so many levels.

A is clandestine until both have S and possibly D and until they no longer work together on daily basis (never disclosed R to Employer which is a company policy if you work together with someone).

Very few people know, but shortly this begins going public right before W moves out.
S/D begin at that time.

W deathly afraid of A becoming public. Wants No disclosure of anything I did or she did to Parents/Family/Anyone (She never told about any of my past behaviors now wants that same courtesy for her 1 "tiny" mistake.

I agree completely with Friends
Children Older S16 should be told something... she want's nothing other than D and we love them and want them to be happy and it's not about them at all.

Parents: Her Parents vs My Parents. W wants same/same no disclosure of anything. Afraid if Parents knew it'd get out and it'd have the same effect as if I told everyone... It would destroy her.

Know nothing positive comes from A going Public making R harder

Made many personal changes (virtually all bad behaviors on my end gone since shortly after BD). Remaining issue: balance, GALing consistently, Putting Kids first (W was first since BD), and stopping Pressure (R/M talk etc.)

that said we have weeks where we can go with just co-existing side by side being extra polite etc.

Know she needs to leave but don't want family kids to be damaged by this... know there's no way to prevent it. trying to make peace with that.

That's it in a nutshell.