Got back from C. It was relatively boring session...kind of like a status report session though we talked extensively about PM. The counselor was relatively well versed in Schnarch though she had not specifically read PM (which is designed for consumers..not pros like herself). She had read a Schnarch book for therapists and attended a seminar. She said she was blown away by his work, and thinks his work is revolutionary for integrating sex into marriage therapy. My W thought it was just another "self-help" book similar to a "diet" book where "you do this...this will happen, you do this...that will happen etc." The C assured her that if all the other books (SSM, 5LLs, etc) are like "diet" books, then this is more akin to a book on the "psychology of food and body issues". My W agreed to read it....
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: There is no need to argue. She will want to, she'll try to hook you into all your old behaviors, because that is they guy she knows how to work with, but once she sees you are serious, she will either confront herself or leave.
YES!!! That's IT. It's not a "simple" thing... standing your ground will be the scariest thing you've ever done, in all probability.
I was just about to say something like "Whatever you're comfortable with, HD. Nobody's going to force you into a decision on this. Just because some of us are excited about this stuff doesn't mean it's right. FWIW, you can watch me as I journal about my own progress, so you can see if there's any validity to it." However, Corri, you said it MUCH better...
And... Dave... WooHoo! Glad to hear what your C had to say, and also glad your W is going to read it. May you live in interesting times...
I'm glad she agreed to read it. Hope it continues to work for you and her.
I'm going to be at a seminar which begins tonight, and which continues until April 29. My contact with this board will be sporadic, and probably, minimal. I'm gonna miss you guys!
Hairdog - Airbags are not a substitute for seatbelts.
hairdog, have a great two weeks. Hope you can check in from time to time, even if just to lurk and keep up with things. I have a feeling it's gonna be kinda busy around here during that time... We'll be looking for you on your return...
Thanks, Corri. This is basically what I've been doing. I've been practicing the "no pressure" approach, I've told her in the past what I want. If she asks again, I'll tell her what I want out of the marriage, but I'm done nagging and criticizing her.
Someone on some thread (sorry, can't remember) said, "if you lived in a world where sex didn't exist, how would you rate your marriage?" I'd rate it pretty darn high. Hopefully, she will come around. I'm doing my best to "draw her" back to me, so that she will be attracted to me sexually as she once was.
Thanks again Corri for the advice. It's always good.
You people amaze me with how early you're all on here.
Aw, thanks, you're making me blush! You're right about me being 'slightly' LD. When I call myself LD, I guess the meaning I'm going for is Lower Drive than my H and (MUCH) Lower Drive than what I used to be. I love my H more than I ever thought possible, so when I felt there was something changing in our R (and not for the better) I knew I had to do something about it before it got 'beyond' my abilities. He said something to me last night via MSN Messenger (this is one of the easiest ways I've found to communicate with him, open and honestly, because it allows me to compose my thoughts and react to what he says) that made me cry. This is what it's all about for me; this is why I started working on 'us' as soon as I did...
H: hunny, i love you so much i am overjoyed to be with you...i just get warm inside sometimes and think about our future and the love I have with you, it is an amazingly powerful influence in my "new" life and everyday actions
*Sniff* I must've been Mother Teresa in a previous life.
I'm going to read PM as soon as I can get my hands on it...I'm going to put every effort into keeping this R growing as good as it is right now!
As for being "wise beyond [my] years", I don't really think so, but I'll just shut up and take the compliment.
