I completely agree and understand all that you said...but for some reason I can’t freaking brake that train of thought...it’s so frustrating to myself. She’s treated me like such crap (losing, OM, etc)...like why WOULD I give her a time of day?!? I don’t let anyone else comtrol me this way (work, friends, family, strangers). She has this stupid hold on me.
I don't know how to help you get your head straight about why you allow her to treat you badly. Here's what I am concerned about for you. What makes you think she'll change? I think this was pretty much been her MO all along (before the affair, etc), and maybe you just made excuses and continued in your NGS. You said to be blunt, so.........I have little hope she'll treat you any differently. I do have hope you can break away from her hold and have a good life without her........if you will not fall into the same trap with WW#2. But as for this girl changing........I don't think it's going to be a "snap out" occurrence for her. She will need to learn some valuable relationship lessons. Her heart has to change, Chris, and it's obvious it hasn't. As long as she knows you are scared of filing for a D, I think she will be like a cat playing with a mouse.
Before I forget to mention about your IC, I think you need to stop using him as a MC. It only confuses you. He is giving terrible advice in what to do about your situation with a wayward W.
I really have nothing new or different to tell you. I wrote out a long post, then deleted it, b/c I have told you all that stuff previously. You have to drop her. If you don't dump her and walk away, she will never want you, and she'll continue to twist everything you say (and especially, don't say), and wrap you around her middle finger.
She really likes to guilt you, doesn't she? She guilted you for not recognizing her birthday.....and now, she's guilting you over a mole she had removed. What's next? This is how separation looks, sweetheart.
Actually, I thought you were doing much better, until you agreed to meet for a talk. Beware of any "talks" brefore Christmas). She is baiting you, and trying to get you to tell her you don't want a D. Well, don't tell her again. Instead, tell her she can think anything she wants, b/c you are done playing her games. Yep, that's what I'm saying. If you had told her that as soon as you found about her affair, she would have thrown herself at your feet. She won't now......b/c she'll probably get pi$$ed and say, "Fine, if you are done, then I might as well file"! So what else is new? Another threat? Play the guilt card some more? Tell her to do whatever she wants. (She will anyway).
Look, it's just like I've said before........until she sees you are actually dumping her, she is not going to change how she treats you. Will she file for a D? IDK, but what if she does? It may take a D for her heart to change.......or for you to break free of the unhealthy hold she has on you. If the girl does change for the better........I suspect it may take years.
One thing I know about the kind of person she is........that as long as she can play you for a sap, she will not respect you as a man.
My son asked me once, "Why are some women drawn to men who treat them like cr@p"? My answer was, "B/c they think they've found a man who won't take their cr@p".
((Chris)), I know you wanted to save your M. I honestly don't see it happening anytime soon. Maybe, after enough time has passes without having you in her life........she will mature and the two of you of might have a second chance. That is something you have to decide if it's worth it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
