2) Tell STBXW I won't be attending, as I have already made other plans with Sas I don't think it'll be an enjoyable experience. I'll essentially be the elephant in the room. We'll eventually be doing separate B-days anyway, so why not start now? Show STBXW that I will not play along with her game.
See above modifications. Try to think "what would a strong, confident man say and do in this situation." I don't think he'd throw a bunch of "poor pitiful me" stuff in there.
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It all started when she texted me while I was working out, asked me where I was, and I ignored her. Later that night, in front of the kids, she kept asking me where I'd been, and I told her it was none of her business, my kids knew where I was, and she was no longer my keeper.
I'm just curious if you thought you were doing something "good" here? Did you think you were standing up to her or something? Because to me it just sounds like you were trying to start a fight. Why not just tell her you were working out? If she wanted to know so bad then just tell her. In DB'ing terms you're not supposed to openly share where you are every second of every day, but you're not supposed to deliberately avoid the subject either. Don't offer it up freely, but if she asks, then answer (without sharing a lot of details).
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We got into a sarcastic snippy fight with each other. She called me by full name at one point, to be clever I think, and I called her by her maiden name. She said she couldn't wait to get rid of my last name. She was in rare form, and I wasn't intimidated by her in the least. She played tough with me. I laughed at her several times.
This was all in front of the kids? I mean you do understand this wasn't all on your W, right? You were BOTH arguing, BOTH fighting, BOTH actively trying to antagonize one another. Step back for a second and ask yourself what your end game is here. If it is to save the M then did the above get you closer to that goal or farther away? If your end game is forget the marriage but be the best possible dad you can be, did that get you closer to or farther from that? There is literally NO scenario where a fight serves you at all.
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This whole thing makes me see how completely unbalanced she is.
Well, if I were sitting there watching that I would have thought both of you were equally unbalanced I think.
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I can't shield my sons from her craziness, so I think it's time for me to show them I'll stand up to it.
By lowering yourself to her level? How about rising above that and showing strength of character instead? Tell her "I understand you are angry and frustrated but I am not going to be spoken to in this manner" and then if she continues yelling then leave the room. Set a boundary and stick to it.
