This is a simple premise of cause and effect: for every action there is a reaction. If you want to change the reaction, you must first change the action.
And if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. It comes down to this -- if you become the independent self-confident man that you want to be, you no longer rely on her for your sense of self-value in your relationship, and you state your needs in an honest fashion, your W will either change or leave you -- neither reaction being one which you can control.
Tell her what you want from the M. You will no longer nag or criticize her, but that every action she takes from this point forward will be an inidication to you about how serious she is in contributing to the healthy development of the relationship. There is no need to argue. She will want to, she'll try to hook you into all your old behaviors, because that is they guy she knows how to work with, but once she sees you are serious, she will either confront herself or leave.
Yes, this is the boundaries thing I've always spoken of. But you cannot set a boundary until you believe in yourself.
