Another really interesting topic (or set of topics) from the book is about communication and something called the quantum model of sexual response. On the topic of Communication, the question is posed, how can you spot a married couple in a restaurant? The answer is that they are not talking! Why? Because they communicate all too well. Each knows in advance exactly what the other will say on a given topic, and they don't want to hear it. Again, why? Because it will make them focus on some unpleasant truths about themselves, or it will force them to disclose deep secrets about themselves that they think might cause the other to stop loving them. Again, a fear of true intimacy. This, of course, causes them to "run out of things to talk about".
A new couple talks incessantly, not because they have lots to share with each other, but because each is seeking common ground with the other, and also each is seeking validation and a reflection of themselves from the other. That is a natural process, and leads naturally in the direction of fusion. Then, as the relationship progresses, and the fusion solidifies, another thing happens - they become more important to each other. As your partner's importance to you increases beyond your level of differentiation, this emotional gridlock thing happens. THAT's why married couples "run out of things to say".
On the topic of the Quantum Model of Sexual response, the idea is that sexual response has a LOT to do with not only physical sensation, but also emotions, feelings and meaning. The meaning behind a particular sexual encounter becomes much more important than technique. Sensations, emotions, feelings and meanings make up the total level of stimulation. In order for arousal to occur, the total level of stimulation needs to be above the arousal threshold. This threshold will change, though, depending on the particular meanings attached to a sexual encounter (not the intent). So it's all MUCH more complex than Masters and Johnson would have us believe. That's why things can get "off track", if we aren't dealing with the meanings of things, but only technique. It's why "sensate focus" activities can't work in the long run, because they are the antithesis of intimacy - they encourage us to detach from our partner and focus on sensations.
Another idea - foreplay is a period of negotiation, to see how much intimacy is going to be tolerated in a particular encounter. The interesting question here is how do you know when it's time to leave foreplay and move on to the "main event"? I can't really expand on this point at the moment... my reservoir of understanding has run out. Just some highlights...
