The following is just another example from PM. It's in a section dealing with "other-validated intimacy"...ie. When you look to others to be validated. It's talking about how some Cs tell patients to simply "just do it" but that it will lead to more problems. As I'm reading this, I'm thinking about how often we try to "improve ourselves" when in reality, we are just trying to create a new "appearence" that elicits validation from our spouse.

Quote:


Self-presentation is is one way we adapt to our partner's differences in order to reduce our anxiety. Unfortunately it never provides the security and acceptance we crave, because we know our partner never really knows us. Attempts to Cajole someone into making us feel secure only make us insecure, the same way trying to protect ourselves through other-validated intimacy offers no real protection at all....

Self-presentation creates a paradox that sets the typical marital squirrel cage spinning...brings us one step closer to emotional gridlock.




True intimacy will come when we "self-disclose" not "self-present".

Yey!!! Our C session is in 30 minutes. Bye folks.

Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright