Certainly divorce is one possible outcome, and that's a HUGE fear you will have to face up to, one way or another. That fear can also severely limit your ability to stand up for yourself, so it's something you will have to face sooner rather than later. You have to challenge yourself, to see if this issue is really that important to you. However, Divorce is NOT the only option, which is something that becomes clearer as you get into these concepts. Changing yourself has immediate and fundamental effects on your M, and also on your W. She now has to figure out how she is going to react to this "new you". You will no longer be reacting in the same ways to her. If you used to rant and rave before, in reaction to her POV, you will now find it within you to quiet yourself, let your POV be known, and wait to see how she reacts. That is hard, and I can say that even though I have not really tried it yet. That will be HARD, and SCARY. But it has to be done.
It's NOT about ultimatums. It's not easy to describe - you have to read the WHOLE book, not just parts of it. Start with the Introduction, and read EACH chapter in its turn. Read it as slowly as you need to. See if it resonates with you. It did with me. Yes, it is not necessary for your SO to buy into it for this to have profound changes in your R. The changes in HER will be almost automatic, because the equilibrium will be upset, the old things will no longer give her the validation she's seeking, and she'll have to face her own fears.
The HOPE side of this equation should be especially interesting to you, CeMar. You keep asking if an LD can ever become able to desire you. Having read this book, I can say that without a doubt, it IS possible. Not only that, but following the concepts in this book can have both of you exploring your sexual potential in ways you can't even DREAM of now.
However, rest assured that when YOU begin to change, SHE will be very uncomfortable. You can expect her to ESCALATE whatever behaviors she is trying to get you to "see reason". You have to be willing to stay the course, and continue to hold onto yourself, while maintaining closeness with her. That is the HARDEST thing - true intimacy. Here's a question: Would YOU be able to let HER see BEHIND YOUR EYEBALLS right now... right INSIDE you? How comfortable would you be if she could see your very SOUL? What fears does that prospect raise in YOU right now? Those are some of the things you will BOTH have to face in order to move forward.
