Quote: Expecting trust, validation, and shared reality only encourages fights about "what really happened". If you and your partner are constantly fighting about "reality", you're probably dependent on other-validated intimacy and you are really arguing about whose reality will become the dominant reality and whose anxieties will previal.
This is a VERY important point. When you argue with your spouse there is a struggle over who's reality is going to win out. The longer you let things linger or bury them the more fuzzy that reality becomes.
This is a lesson that took me almost 9 years to figure out. If you are going to disagree about something or your want to discuss something that's bothering you...then you MUST do it right then and there. Get it out...and get it over with. Otherwise...each person has time to let reality get so fuzzy that you'll never resolve the issue without someone giving up their version of things.
Again...it wasn't until this past weekend that I actually learned this little lesson.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
