Tim, Thank you for the reminder on the book. I seem to remember what you are saying, but obviously I need a refresher read (ahhh, what a pain--that was no easy read!).
The specific fusion thing that I was talking about was at that critical moment of sexual rejection. At that moment, yes I do receive my validation from H and a good portion of my identity from him. I am showing him (presenting to him) my most secret and sacred self and he is rejecting that. Yes yes, I know he is rejecting the sex but the SEX comes in the package of Honeypot and there is no way to reject ONLY the sex, that is a ridiculous notion. Right then, it is extremely hard for me to hold on to myself. THAT is the "exercise" that I was talking about...sorry for not being clearer. I do remember that holding on to yourself is a way of life, and I do okay with it in all areas of my life (though not great, by any stretch) except when being sexually rejected. So when I say I would do the exercise, what I would actually do is to LITERALLY hold on to myself...wrap my arms around myself, roll away from him and refute all the usual things that flit through my brain at that moment--that I am not sexy, etc. I really try to get hold of myself and tell myself what I normally know to be true: that I am a good person with a lot to offer a man and if he is not interested in that offering, well, it doesn't lessen ME as a person whatsoever.
I don't know how it is with men, but that sexual rejection feeling really is the hardest thing for me to get past. I hold on to it and nurse the wounded pride feelings and stay pissed about it for the whole next day. THIS is so unproductive and downright wrong--so that's what specifically helped me the most in this book. A real concrete way to combat this specific problem of mine. And then the rest of it--well, it is just really amazing isn't it?
I will get it again from the lib and refresh my memory.
