Journey to Acceptance

[Coly23]

Thank you all for your comments.

Just thought I would stop by as I'm having a hard time with my feelings at the moment. After no contact since the last text to H in the middle of October I had to let him know that some official looking post had arrived at my house (I think his redirect had run out but also if looks like he hasn't changed his address even at work!). He usually asks when he can come over and so I assumed he would do the same again.

However he came to the house withought telling me and snooped at some paperwork i had lying around with the finances for the new car I bought. He also left chocolates and lottery scratch cards so we could make up our advent calendar.

I know it's no big deal but the advent calendar is a tradition we started with H and this year D and I decided, as H is no longer with us, that we would go ahead and organise our own advent calendar without the scratch cards as D always hated the days she only got a scratch card and no chocolate! I know I should be grateful but he didn't ask us what we were doing he just assumed we would continue the tradition.

Also on that day I had to drop D back home at lunchtime as she had no lessons at college and that is when she found the scratch cards and chocolate. He then returned to the house to leave her another shop bought advent calendar and it really spooked her because she didn't know who was letting themselves into the house. She says he just came in and sat down like nothing had happened and started asking her about whether I was getting a new car etc.

Later on he did text me to met me know he had dropped the gifts off and after I thought about it long and hard I texted him and said that I appreciated the thought but that we couldn't accept the advent gifts and asked him to pick them up. I also asked if he could give me at lease 24 hours notice fore coming to the house. He did get a bit narky and said fine and asked me to leave them outside for him to collect. At that point I got a little fed up of him thinking we have to be grateful for every little crumb he throws at us and I texted him and said that did he realise how much he upset us by just assuming. We just get to the stage where we are getting on with our lives and then he comes back and drags us back down again. He texted back and apologised. He said he was trying to be nice and didn't really consider our feelings. I told him that he needs to let go. He hasn't responded.

I don't think I am bothered about saving this marriage anymore. He has admitted that he does not consider our feelings and just does what he thinks will ease his guilt and conscience. He assumed that I was happy for him to go in and out of the house whenever he wanted and that we would be jumping with joy with the gifts he left. I don't want him to be nice. I don't want anything from him anymore. We are moving along nicely and he thinks we are in the same place where he left us. I know I haven't shown him anything different but I hope he now realises this.

After all D and I are not just for Christmas ......

Happy weekend everyone!