Hey board; not going to wish happy bday to WW tomrw. I am totally guessing here; but giving her entitled past and WW’ness it is assumed she will have some choice words for me in a text. Probably guilt tripping mixed with some bullying. I just want to prepare myself to not fall into a trap or do anything which will set me personally back any more. I’m trying to push through this stuff; but it is obvious I am finding it difficult.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Don't be afraid of her choice words. Every time you feel she might suck you in or bait you, just think she's probably going out with OM to celebrate her bday. That should clear any NGS right up. Not saying start making more mental movies, but with OM in the picture, she's lucky if you even look her way by chance.
My W had her bday recently and I sent her a very short text about it. But, in my case I have no proof of OM and I didn't want her to think that I didn't wish her out of anger or spite. Trust me, if there was OM, I would've done absolutely nothing.
NGS is difficult stuff. I empathize with you as I saw myself in that book as well. Just work to change it up for yourself and don't take any $hit from her. If you think that her texts might just be too upsetting to deal with, turn off your phone for a few hours or the whole day if you can and do something for yourself.
Just remember - she's blatantly lied to you about cutting OM off. I made a new rule in my house - I don't suffer liars and cheaters. You know you're worth more than whatever she's slinging at you.
I completely agree and understand all that you said...but for some reason I can’t freaking brake that train of thought...it’s so frustrating to myself. She’s treated me like such crap (losing, OM, etc)...like why WOULD I give her a time of day?!? I don’t let anyone else comtrol me this way (work, friends, family, strangers). She has this stupid hold on me.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Who cares about her choice words. Chris, you sure shouldn't. Let her words slide off your back like rain water. You got this Chris. If she wanted you to wish her a happy bday she wouldnt be talking to OM.
You not wishing her a HBD is the reality she has created.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Hey board; not going to wish happy bday to WW tomrw. I am totally guessing here; but giving her entitled past and WW’ness it is assumed she will have some choice words for me in a text. Probably guilt tripping mixed with some bullying. I just want to prepare myself to not fall into a trap or do anything which will set me personally back any more. I’m trying to push through this stuff; but it is obvious I am finding it difficult.
Good for you! Mental preparation is key, and planing to GAL. So what if she has choice words? It's like........"You better say something about my birthday, or I'm going to chew you out and call you names". Lovely!
Why don't you block her on your phone, and keep it blocked? What's the worse that can happen............she'll get mad? Is that what bothers you, or the guilt she uses to control you? That guilt is what you need to release. During the M, she used it to get you do whatever she wanted. She uses guilt & anger.......but you don't have to live with it.
There are no kids from the M, so you are in the perfect position to go dark. There is no reason you have to accept her calls & texts.......and leave the line open for her to take pop shots at you. Every time you hear just a few words, it throws you for a loop. Block her........and stay away from her. You will come through it, and feel good that you put the brakes on being verbally bullied.
Chris, you are getting stronger. All you need are a few words of encouragement from us, but you are the one to take the wheel and drive that car. You made me smile when I read how you plan to GAL today. That shows me a guy that is taking charge of his life. I feel better knowing you have friends. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't beat yourself up about it Chris. It does take a while for the mental real estate not to be occupied by the WW. I've been at this a bit longer than you but I've had a few strange days where she is taking up a lot of mental space. But, both of us will be able to shake it off as we refocus back more on ourselves. Just observe it, let it pass, and take care of yourself. It's a combination of time and consistency in efforts on ourselves that will eventually get us out of this funk.
"I'm extremely hurt you didn't text me on my bday. my mole was a pre-malig melanoma. I got it removed (9 stiches). you are acting like your done so maybe that's what should happen. it it's mutual..maybe we sigh papers next week."
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
