Your story is so much like mine. BD 5 mo. ago as well and the OW, drinking, apologizing for messing up, etc,,, so much like my story.
No kids in my situation thank goodness. So now I am at a crossroads. What to do? Stay or go? Divorce or not? All I know right now is that I am so tired of the endless pain I feel from his MLC.
He doesn't want to divorce, separation or anything. He moved out after I asked him to - couldn't end it with OW so he had to go. Says often he's sorry and he messed up, but guess what.... nothing changes with that OW situation either. Hard to believe what they say, isn't it?
To be honest, right now I am questioning MLC - not as a condition, because for sure my H is stuck down by a MLC. I'm questioning the whole LBS Standing position based on MLC and the 'poor guy is depressed'thinking and that's why I'm standing malarky. I think 'somewhere' in their addled brains they DO understand right from wrong and they are simply choosing 'wrong'. Immoral wrong to boot if there is an OW around. That's just plain disgusting even if the OW is only a minor feature of a major condition.
Right now I am at that crossroad of whether to file or not. I've been here before and quickly abandoned that as soon as my H puts up the slightest resistance. I think,,, "well he must be planning on coming back if he doesn't want a divorce". Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I think my H thought at one time his diversion would be short lived and then back to normal with me. Instead of it being short lived, he has done nothing but go deeper and deeper into this relationship. Not sure if going deeper is his intention or if he is just too weak to pull himself out of the quicksand but nonetheless, the relationship has done nothing but get deeper over the last 5 mo. Someone he met at an event, didn't know her, but lusted for her so tossed out 20 years of a good M. Just like that - poof. But I sense he wants me waiting in the wings in case he changes his mind (or she does). That's why they resist the divorce. Keep us in place, prevent our closure and therefore our ability to move on to a life without them in it. They don't want that because we have become their Plan B.
I don't trust him one bit to not be using me either. If we finalize our divorce, he gets barely enough to put a down-payment on a cheap apartment in a sub-par part of town. I'll do much better,,,, nice place fully paid for and still lots of MY money in the bank. His money in the bank will be gone by the time he finishes furnishing his cheap apartment.
Pretty sad end for a guy in his early 60's to wind up with so little and few working years left to recoup the losses. He could have at least CONSIDERED seeking some counselling, AD's, ikd,, something before following such a destructive path. It was a GOOD marriage until that one fateful night. Oh well,,, it's done now and I think so am I.
Sorry for the rant and I hope I haven't upset you with it. I have been in such emotional pain - day in and day out - for the last 5 months. I thought I could do this - stand for my marriage - but today I'm pretty sure I can't and I'm done. I have to claim some dignity, self-respect and SANITY in spite of this hell they call MLC. So far Standing hasn't done that for me so unless I cycle back to where I was yesterday, my marriage is done. And the sooner the better. Getting the paperwork started today.
But I don't have kids, I'm not you, and although our situations are similar they are not exact. You may be strong enough to stand for however long it takes. If you do, be prepared to have days like I am having today - where you feel so done.
Despite this rant and the declarations I have made within,,, I STILL do not know what I will think, feel or want to do tomorrow.
