Sandi have you in your time heard of anything so wild?
I'm afraid I have. Women who have a wayward heart and have engaged in some type of an affair (PA, EA, or IA) have been known to show the worst side of womanhood.
In cases with waywardness, I have not seen success come from a H using soft, passive behavior. It calls for tough love, and a lot of newcomers are not willing to do it. So, the WW plays all sorts of manipulating games with her H.
You cannot fix your W's waywardness. Waywardness springs from resentment, disrespect, and rebellion. It is motivated by selfishness. Your W will not be interested in things from which she does not benefit. Everything is about her.
You cannot be a friend to a wayward W. She disrespects you, and is being unfaithful to you. If you act as if you want to compromise your values, integrity, morals/spiritual beliefs........why would she respect you as a man? You are not in competition with this OM for your W.
I think it is a mistake to try and help your W pay for the debts she causes. It is a mistake to rescue her and bail her out of her own messes. That is tough love, and it's hard. If you try to rescue her, thinking you are helping the chances of your MR.......she will drain you dry, and you won't be able to support your kids. I have seen WW lie, cheat, deceive, and con the H like you couldn't believe. They will use every trick in the book, ruin the H's credit, and drain the bank accounts. I'm warning you right now, protect your money! Protect everything you have by seeing a lawyer and getting advice.
Obviously, your W is not using good judgement. One reason is b/c she is operating from one place.......her emotions. And, her emotions are one hot mess! You cannot trust her. This is not the girl you married.
I am not supporting D, in case you misunderstand. I am supporting you, and those five kids, by warning you of the ways of a WW. IMHO, a WW can turn back in the right direction. It doesn't come like most newcomer H's want to think......but it can happen. You've got to be smart, get the information, and don't act on emotions......b/c you are probably bouncing off the walls trying different approaches. Stick with us, and apply what you are learning, and settle in.......b/c it isn't likely to end quickly.
I have about a half dozen threads about the WW and newcomer LBH's. The first link is on Cadet's first post to you. Help for the newcomer LBH with a WW. It might help you with some insight, and save some time, if you are interested in looking at them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
