My husband dropped the bomb about 5 months ago. We had our issues just like every other married couple on the planet but up to that day his words and actions showed love. Not just for me but for our kiddos. Now he has met someone "who he can talk to" and "makes him feel good about himself". And it only took about 3 weeks for him to find this woman who is what he has been looking for. When he dropped the bomb he just kept saying he had lost something and couldn't find it again and he just didn't love me anymore.
At first he was just angry it seemed and convinced of only one thing...we are DONE. Then he swung back and forth between interest in the kids and spending time with them to acting like he isn't even aware they exist. Took him weeks to come and pick up his clothes and still hasn't gotten everything else.
And when it seemed like it was bad enough then came the drinking. So much drinking that it caused problems in every part of his life and he was blowing every cent he had. This from a guy who had always been extremely financially responsible and drank two or three beers every couple months. Dropped everything he ever liked to do and picked up some new hobbies. Of course the other woman is still around.
Then we hit the "we have to get divorced right now phase" but he didn't make a move to do it. At one point he made me angry enough that I scheduled an appointment but they cancelled, he was also ill and couldn't go and then wouldn't commit to another day.
The panic attacks and anxiety came next. Plus the sleepless nights. Apparently from things I have heard and things he has told me they are very bad. Depression struck right after that and now he says he is falling apart and losing everything. We have had some very serious talks and at points it seems he knows he has a problem and genuinely wants to get help. He did go to the doctor and is on a small dose of something for the panic attacks and anxiety. Won't tell me what it is and refuses to go back to the doctor now to tell him he might need more. Talks about going to get other things checked out but backs out. Talks about how he is a failure and has messed up. He will provably die soon and needs to take care of things.
He doesn't say much about the OW and refers to her as just that..."her". He has never said her name to me. Is that weird? Sometimes he talks a bit about her family but he doesn't seem excited about it. He did say she has made comments about his attitude lately.
He has been saying he is not happy. Still. This confuses me because if this woman is just what he needs but he still isn't happy why doesn't he see a problem? At times he will admit he is doing something wrong but if I comment on it he gets angry and denies it. Out of the blue he will tell me he is sorry and never meant to do this or for any of this to happen but then in a flash that sentiment is gone. He thinks if he could just be happy everything else will be ok.
Recently someone he has known and worked with for many years reached out and flat out asked him if he is having MLC. Now it seems he is mad at that person and well of course at me. He says that is absolutely not true, he isn't doing anything wrong, nothing is falling apart. Yet just before he spoke to this person he was admitting everything was messed up and saying he needed to get well.
And as punishment after a couple months of no discussion of divorce he has brought it back up. Wants to know what progress I have made. I said I hadn't done anything and wasn't planning on it. That's how I found out someone questioned him about MLC. He got angry and said we are getting a divorce it is happening. That's what all this is about. Then in the next breath he said or are we waiting until after the holidays?
I am so confused lately. I looked at the stages of MLC and read up on it. It does seem that is what is happening but for the life of me I can't see what stage he might be in. Is it possible to show so many different aspects of each stage and still be at the very beginning?
Any ideas?? Do I still have a chance at salvaging our marriage?
