Oh man! That jewelery needs to go pronto! Anything that she ever got from OM or is a reminder of OM has to go. I don't think you're paranoid or controlling if you talk about that upfront. You're in your full right to have that as part of your recon process.
Also, the gut. As Ginger said, if it smells like smoke, there is definitely a raging fire going. Don't brush it aside. I would address it head on.
I get that she's evaluating her relationship with her bff and you know best how to handle it. But, the material stuff from OM and your gut, you have to handle that $hit.
