My opinion is that there's a lot of cognitive dissonance (aka fog) on your part. I may well be wrong.
A quote from my MC/IC that I've quoted many times because I think it's a good quote to quote on those occasions that I need a good quote: Look, this is how marriage works, if one spouse doesn't like the other spouse's friend, then the friend has to go.
That means the spouse puts the marriage before the friend which is how it should be. I don't think your wife would do that.
