25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

part 2



Update on dating...specifically M

I know he has the smarts and a good heart, but I was wondering if sparks would happen. He has a runner's body and that's not usually my type. I go for men who look
like weight lifters. AND the whole vanity thing nagged at me.(MY vanity, specifically)

I think sparks are beginning to start. M seemed comfortable at a party and then the next night with my sisters and they liked him rather a lot. That means something to me.

He danced with my sister and she said he was "pretty good" - (she also said, "Just b/c h was truly a gifted dancer, - and he was- doesn't mean M would not be a better partner and M is a 'good enough dancer."

(FTR, PEOPLE JUST SO YOU KNOW

H and I fell in love on the dance floor and there were sparks from the get go. First 10 dates we went dancing and dang it, he knows what he's doing.
never mind all this^^ it's not a biggie because

I guess there WILL be things we miss in our former spouses, maybe always.
At least in long term m's we must accept that at some levels we were well suited. And that won't just go away, it will probably fade as we see the other parts that were NOT so well suited and see good/great things in new people we meet.

Missing some things in our former spouse after the divorce dust settles I mean,

we probably never ever should have been together if we literally miss nothing about them. And with a marriage as long as ours, of course there are things in which we were quite well suited.

But my point here is that my r with M is deepening. Despite missing some elements of the familiar, which is normal, I'm told.

We are still cautious and I know we are waiting for more finality in his mediation and divorce, before being intimate. (Reconciliation is not a possibility for him, I checked a bunch).

Still he wants to to wait till it's final in January (they have been sep for 4 years and he has not dated at all).

I am not in the same mindset for ME - but I accept his for him.

But we talk for LONG periods each night. Not shallow stuff, though we touch on it all.

He works in this area and commutes temporarily for work. He moves here firmly, in late December or early Jan.

So Last weekend he rented a hotel room 100 yards from mine for his work, and we spent a lot of time other. Good, right? EXCEPT I didn't expect it! What??

It felt like pressure for me and I wanted my privacy and almost FOR A MINUTE wondered WTH was going on. Did he forget to tell me that we were spending the whole weekend together? (Plus to be blunt, my condo was a wreck. I just had 2 of MY kids visiting. Trust me, a wreck!)

WE had a party to go to on Black Friday (Divorcecare group that does not know we are semi dating ) and on the way, he blew 2 tires on the right side and I was driving behind him.

He was upset about losing 2 tires AND rims and needing a tow truck and we were on a ramp, the police came to get him moved faster b/c our location was dangerous (really I probably saved his life by blinking behind him and all ).

and M did not lose his $h1t. He was upset for sure, but I also STFU and I did not minimize it or try to make him see the upside . Well, for awhile...

(from where I was driving behind him, it looked like he was hurt and so I was thrilled he wasn't dead. From MY perspective he was lucky as he11.)

So I asked him if I could wait 30 minutes before I mention my "silver lining" stuff

and he could vent more now, if needed. But he didn't. I mean maybe 3-5 minutes of calmly discerning the costs. So the car got towed, and I drove him. A small lesson in how life might be and believe me, I was noticing.

Next night he met my siblings and blended well. He made an effort to push himself out of his comfort zone as an introvert into a room of extroverts and HE DANCED with my sister.

I could not watch PARTLY b/c I knew I'd compare him to h (I & my sisters must concede, H is probably among the best dancers I've ever known)

and partly b/c I was afraid ---and that bothered me about ME.

The good news is I felt my attraction to M growing as I heard & saw him interacting.

When he dropped me off (he got a rental car big enough to take my dog to the party - b/c I CAN BRING MY DOG, dang it) and that touched me.

I thought about inviting him into my condo when he dropped me off b/c it felt - tempting, but I didn't. (Almost did not shave my legs as my back up "birth control" method----when you KNOW you will need extra discipline for saying "not yet" on a big night).

But to be frank, as much as he seemed happy with intense hugging and kissing, I later asked him if he was bummed out that we parted ways that night.

He said while he wanted to go up, he wanted to keep his promise. He's been faithful 28 years, what's another month?


(THE STINKING HOLIDAY SEASON, THAT'S WHAT!!...okay I'm just saying...Plus remember my last year's NYE resolution to have sex this calendar year so, it's pushing it. )

Not to mention my own h living with OW for MANY months and cheating and blah blah blah the rest.

I know it's not a contest but I'll be darned if I wait around for my h to control any more of my life than he already has. H flaunts his affair and I'm waiting for a guy who has been sep for 4 years...?? OH THE IRONY