WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[hoosjim]

Wow, so much great feedback, y'all, thanks! Where to begin...

Sandi:

Btw, have you given your W a real kiss, lately?

Are you kidding? I would LOVE to kiss my wife. She is a great kisser. In fact, very hard to kiss her without thinking about it leading to other things... However... As I indicated in my previous posts, Im at a bit of a quandary here. Once or twice I have given her a "peck" when hugging her, or in church when exchanging "greetings" (She has done same) but no romantic, on the lips smackeroos. I just don't get that vibe from her. I've always thought I've had a pretty good read on when a woman wants to be kissed, but, then again maybe I am missing something here with the sitch as unusual as it is. We has a LONG period of drawing apart, then the A, and now this sort of uncomfortable/awkward reconnecting. Not really uncomfortable overall, because it is nice, but... we just haven't had that romantic spark. She has, a couple of times, made suggestive comments under her breath, almost in joking, but then retracted or said "nothing" when I'd say "what?!". She's also warmed up but. Idunno, maybe she's waiting for me to take her head in my hands and just kiss her but... If so Im definitely not getting that vibe. MC has advised us to work on being deliberate about intimacy and touch to get used to it feeling more natural, and part of that would eventually include kissing and such, but we have not been doing anything "structured" there (which we are supposed to... we have a book and have each looked at it but neither one has forced the issue. We have a Skype MC session next week, so maybe I could use that to suggest we get more serious about that reading and such this weekend.

Stander, thanks, that is a GREAT explanation. A lot of others said similar such things, sure, but you really rolled t all up into one nice succinct all-inclusive enchilada. Thanks again.

Finally... Ugh... Having some bad flashbacks today. You'll recall, W approached me about going out with bff locally tonight "for dinner and maybe a drink" and "maybe I'll do a little clothes shopping, later if I don't eat myself up a size at dinner". I voiced my concerns about this in a post above, but it hit me across the face and my mind started spinning just about 30 mins ago. Dropped in to her office to say hi, since I was across the hall having PT on my shoulder (I was seen by a doctor at the practice she works at). Got up to her window and chit chatted for a couple... don't think she expected to see me. She had a carry bag of "hot" going out clothes-- sexy jeans, knee-high boots, etc-- half pushed under her desk (I hadn't seen her go out this morning as I was at the gym early), and she was also wearing earrings that I am pretty sure OM got her and also a bracelet that I am more sure he did for her birthday. Neither expensive but, pretty. And she had given up wearing them (particularly the earrings )for a while after having pretty much worn them non-stop during the course of the A, which sort of reinforced my belief that they were from OM. She stopped wearing them much around end of August about the same time she took down her Facebook background picture which consisted of flower petals that I know damned well-well, say 90%- OM got her. I have no surveillance up on her right now... other than the fact that I can locate her phone-- a fact she is well aware of and which she could easily defeat by leaving it in her or bff's car while they went somewhere else. Am I being crazy here? Should I mention to her that I don't feel great about this? Ask her to "look, just check in with me a couple of times by text or something so I feel safer about this"? Or just let it go. I definitely don't trust the dynamic of her and bff locally (as I described in my above post). Bff calling from OM's bar so they all could say "hi" to my W is still too fresh in my mind (only about four weeks ago.) Thoughts?