Ok Folks, I hope Michelle doesn't think of Schnarch as a competitor and drop this thread, but enough of us are studying Passionate Marriage now that I thought a new thread would be good. It is such a "tricky" read that maybe we can help one another clarify parts of it. We can also post how we can see it applied to us.

This first major concept that Schnarch has based his entire methodology around it "Differentiation". Here's an excerpt from an interview with the author David Schnarch on what "Differentiation" really means....

Quote:


Differentiation is about holding onto yourself enough that you can begin to recognize the impact you're having on other people. It's not me-ism. But you've got to hold onto yourself to be able to do that. Weak people can't do that--the people who are dependent on each other's validation for their acceptance or anxiety regulation. Everybody is afraid of something. Everybody is afraid to stand up. Everybody is afraid to be found lacking. Everybody is afraid that, if you really know them you won't love them. But you have to look and speak beyond that, where the question is no longer 'are you afraid?" It's a given that you are afraid. Now the question is, 'What will you do?"
-David Schnarch, interviewed by WAMFT staff prior to a March 13 Conference



This idea is "driven" into your head repeatedly along with all the various nuances in the first 100 or so pages of the book.

I'm seeing a big focus on "give love language" = "get nookie" or "relationship bad" = "must need nookie". This book completely address the subtle complexities in our relationship and individual behaviors. I'm sorry it's so complex though but I'm not surprised either.

Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright