If you take these same two people, and they start to treat each other with kindness, respect, attention and make the other their priority...can they begin to see each other differently? Can feelings and attraction grow back? Is love a choice?
This jumped out at me, particularly your final question: is love a choice. Yes. Love is a choice. Every day we wake up and we have a choice to actively foster love or to actively foster something else. This is a big one for me, and I've struggled a lot with the fact that exh woke up every day and deliberately fostered resentment and anger rather than love. The more he obsessed about his anger and resentment, the more it festered, leaving no room for love.
I think the answer to all these questions is yes. But it's as Job said and takes diligence and commitment and time.
Let's take a step back here. We aren't talking about him moving back in tomorrow, right? Of course you aren't feeling like you want to share your space. Why would you? I would imagine that after some amount of time of treating each other with kindness, respect and attention and doing the work, that might change. It may not, but you won't know until you try. So I wouldn't get hung up on not feeling it now. Rather I would ask, do you want to take a step towards getting to know your exh again as a man rather than merely as son's father?
I hope this helps. xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
