From my signature you can see I've been at this for awhile with multiple BDs. It's been a roller coaster. I believe it started with a MLC, which my wife is over. During the MLC she had cosmetic surgery (boobs, lips, eyes, botox), went back to school, started drinking and going to bars, and so forth. We'll many of the new behaviors she has dropped such as drinking and going to bars. She has a new graduate degree and new job.
I did many 180s, and she noticed. She once told me I had "reinvented myself". I got a life and pursue more hobbies than I have time for.
Our relationship has been up and down. She has shown love, not shown love, and we cycle through this.
Over the past months our sex life has deteriorated tremendously. Additionally, I have felt the sting of many micro criticisms and lack of love from her. I tried to initiate sex, and she said "no sex for you tonight". This lead to an argument during which she told me, "I don't love you anymore" and I told her "then you should leave."
Because it was just before Thanksgiving, we decided to wait until afterwards to discuss further and not ruin the holiday. That week we were like friends in the house and outside. Afterwards, she told me she enjoyed the week because she "felt less pressure." When we talked she repeated she didn't love me and hasn't for a long time, and maybe never.
Neither one of us wants a divorce because we think it would be devastating for our children. We differ in that I want to work on the marriage and she does not. I suggested MC and she at first said, "no because it cannot change what I feel." The day we spoke again because I thought she was going to file for divorce and I told her I didn't want to be surprised. She told me "you're not the enemy" and she wouldn't surprise. I mentioned then we should do MC, and this time she agreed. Obviously reluctantly.
She has moved out of the master bedroom and has been sleeping on the couch for the past week.
I have identified four marriage counselors who I will interview before selecting. However, I was thinking of giving my wife some time before to relax before starting MC. My thinking is to wait until after Christmas during which time I put no pressure on her about the relationship and let her relax. Hopefully, she be more open to MC afterwards. Any thoughts on this?
I keep a journal, and after reviewing it, I notice there are more 180s I can do. Since my wife's one night stand I have had a trust issue, and feel insecure in the marriage. She feels she must "walk on eggshells" that I'm fragile, and always watching her. I need to change this dynamic.
