In all the years of our M, my H and I have always had others in the house with us. That, alone, causes stress on a MR. But when you are having to financially support them or take physical care of them........even good MR's can break down.

I agree 100% about your grown kids! And my opinion about the BIL, is tell him he has till the end of the year to find another place to stay.......if you can stand it that long. Why on earth support an adult that's too sorry to help himself, and complains about the food you feed him?

Don't know why your W is so protective of him, but he's not your responsibility to keep.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!