By the grace of God

[mleigh4]

So I did end up letting H know that I do blame him for giving up. He let me know that he fought for us while I was withdrawn and distant. He says he fought as well as he could and stuck it out for several years. By the time I started waking up and realizing it was time to shape up, it was too late and he just didnt have any fight left. So basically, we stood for our marriages at different times and unfortunately while we were in different places.

I can't argue with that, he is right. It actually brings me some peace to know and remind me that there was a time that he really did care.

Which brings me to think.... you have two people who are in love. Unfortunately, as circumstances change, they change and grow apart. No longer in love, no attraction, no relationship. All they see in each other is a person who hurt them deeply.

If you take these same two people, and they start to treat each other with kindness, respect, attention and make the other their priority...can they begin to see each other differently? Can feelings and attraction grow back? Is love a choice?

Which brings me to you Cali, I still am not sure what I want in regards to H. I would love for things to work out, but he would need to be less selfish, accept me for me, let me be the mom I love to be, and be totally honest and open. All things I really don't see happening.

Then I try to picture him back home and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I too have grown to love my space, although I don't want it forever, I am not ready to have H in it.

What I know for sure is I want to be happy, which I have grown to be.

Always love to hear from you Cali, thank you for checking in.

M