My story......any ideas??

[cb757]

My wife and I met when she was 20, I was 34. I had been married previously and had 2 kids, ages 4 and 6 at the time. My first wife cheated several times and my parents also had divorced due to infidelity. We had a great relationship and were that couple that everyone was jealous of.

Can you describe a little bit about the end of Marriage 1? How long were you single? What is your R like with XW? What kind of custody arrangement do you have with the older 2?

Marriage 1, we tried to work things out, but one day she just decided she was done. We did not get counseling or really do anything to fix the problems. I was single for about a year when I met current W. R with XW was horrible for a few years, now we are actually good friends and she babysits the 4y/o D. She is remarried with 2 other kids. Me and XW have 50/50 custody with the older kids.

About 8 months ago she began to get a bit distant from me. Looking back now I can see it probably went a little further back than that.

Like....how? Just being more quiet? Or spending more time with others? on phone? etc.

A little while after our D was born intamacy slowed down. She had some body issues from the pregnancy. Not much spending time with others until she met the new female friend. A lot of that was her coming to our house when I was home, they would usually just go out on the deck and talk and drink. She's always kept her phone close and spent time on Facebook, Pinterest, etc. so that hasn't really changed.

About 6 months ago we started to go to counseling, which did no good at all. By that time we were still kissing, say ILY, sleeping in the same bed, but there was no real intimacy. About 4 months ago, she stated that she was no longer attracted to me and she wanted to stop saying ILY, touching, kissing, etc because she just wasn't feeling it. We were still sleeping in the same bed, just not touching at all. 2 months ago we got into a little argument when she got home late from work. At that time she said that she wasn't happy and left that night to stay with her mom.

Frankly, Im having trouble believing that there isnt an OM in some capacity. You didnt mention one, but you didnt really discuss it. What is your take?

Yeah I have been suspicious of an OM, but have had no evidence. She is typically accounted for, either at work, school,
or with our D. When she was questioned by our counselor, she said "I don't want to be with myself right now, why would I want to be someone else?". I have asked her before and she always flatly denied it, but I know I can't trust what she says right now. I would probably lean more towards an EA. I know that the new female friend has taken a lot of her emotional attention, so could that be considered an EA?

We talk everyday at least once when our daughter calls to tell the other one goodnight.

How much are you talking? Your D is 4 now - I would think she can talk on the phone without needing a conversation between you and W.

We talk on the phone every night. When we talk to our daughter, she always says "Ok here's mommy/daddy" and gives us the phone. It's usually just how was your day and shoring up plans for our D. When we do a drop off, we usually talk for 10-15 minutes,
just small talk kind of stuff. We also text most days a few times,
typically thing about our D. Some days she is really talkative and some days extremely short.

We have also gone out a few times, both with our daughter and by ourselves.

Can you describe this? Who initiated? What kinds of things are you doing?

It's usually me who initiates. We went out alone for our anniversary on 10/22 (couples massage and dinner). We went to the shooting range the week before that. We went out to friends on Halloween for a party and so D could trick-or-treat. We have done some other things with our D like school functions and Disney on Ice.

We went on cruise (all 5 of us) in July. Me, W, and S(15) also went to Boston for the weekend and the end of September for a Patriots game.Two days before she left we went to a handgun course together so she could get her concealed carry permit.

I have brought up "us" two times in the past two months, but have been very non-pressuring, basically just asking how she's doing and where we're at.

Id knock this off. There is no "non-pressuring" way to ask "where are we?"

Gotcha. It's been several weeks since I brought any of this up.

We have been planning for about 9 months for her to quit work in January and finally go to nursing school full time. She is still planning on that which has included being on my health insurance, student loans that we have already applied for together, etc. We have no discussed the logistics of that if she is not living here or we are not together. Also, it is an 18 month program.

This sounds like a pretty big expense for you. What are your thoughts on this?

I want to be there for her and support her in this,
but not if our future together is in doubt. I really don't want to be tied to her student loans, even though in some way I probably will be regardless. I really don't know how she can do it if I'm not helping. She definitely needs my health insurance, etc. I'm not sure if she has even thought about this stuff. I really want to address it with her but I figure it would be pressuring.

What do you think?? Thanks!!

Keep posting. Youre in the right place!