still struggling

[Jim1234]

Thanksgiving went really well. I got a response from both B and my brother apologizing for their actions. They still went to her sisters, but the rest of the family had a great Thanksgiving weekend, and I saw my brother Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Saw B on Saturday for a few minutes. She was cold, and I don't care.

W went to England to help her mom move, and stayed until Saturday. Didn't speak/text her for more than a week, until last night and I think I only heard from her because she was pissed.

My kid's godmother asked me if we could get together for dinner before Xmas so they could give the kids presents, with W or without, whichever I preferred. I said without would be great and made plans for this Sunday. W just found out about it, and sent me a text saying, "What the heck happened to discussing things like making plans for the kids.... Not sure who I should be more pissed at....."

Our custody is a very loose arrangement.... some days I have the kids, some days she has them, depending on our work schedules, so she is absolutely right, I should have discussed it with her, and told her so.

Here's where it gets sticky, though. I'd like to validate, and not say "but...." (thank you 25mlc), but 1) I arranged dinner without her because I thought it would be good for me to gain some distance and start new traditions, and 2) her reply to my apology was that the invitation included all of us, and I never mentioned it. She said it was "rude."

So how do I convey that our friend reached out to ME, and I didn't want to include W because of number 1)?

I'm thinking "I don't want this divorce, but that is the hand I've been dealt. I wasn't trying to be rude, but since we're divorcing, we both need to start new traditions, and I need to create some emotional distance between us. But, yes, I should have discussed my plans with you."

I had planned to cut and paste from Joseph9's thread about Christmas, but I'm not sure how to do that, and still "create new traditions." I think I will just ask what her plans are and does she want to coordinate gifts.