Lost on how to save my marriage! 4

[joejoe1]

Update,

My wife and I have been doing good. We communicate about things that bother us. We don't argue we discuss the issues.

I made it comfortable for her to talk about the A. I wanted to know what she gave the OM when it came to her emotions.

She told me that, she started to realize he was feeding her exactly what she wanted to hear. She said that the OM had his own problems and he started to become very unattractive. She told me when she first saw him(he was a ex from high school), she asked herself what was she doing. He didnt look the same, but she just wanted to feel good and get as far away from me as possible.

She told me she was trying to push me away and she wanted to hurt me for making her feel so horrible. She told me once she got into the A, she started to feel lost, but couldn't pull herself out. She started to hate me more because, she told herself, I pushed her in that direction.

After a while she started to see things in the OM that slowly started to make herslef question herself. (Her fantasy was fading)

Then, she started seeing a change me, she told me she never thought I could change, and that made her question herself more.

The last time I caught her talking to the OM, she said it was a relief, because she needed a way out(I dont know how to take this comment). She told me she started to think, if we were over, that I would move on quickly and she couldn't hanlde seeing me with OW. She told she would of went in a corner and hid. She would have to move away before she saw me with someone else.

She said her heart just start to change after I took leave for that one week in September and spent at home with her.

She said that week really made her question herself and her choices and her perspective about me. She was dead set that I was the person before I started DBing.

She is now telling me how she felt while dealing with the OM and she knew it would fizzle out no matter what happened between us. He wasn't attractive to her at all, but he gave her the emotional high she needed. She didnt want me to know nit of this during her A.

Now we are about to get tatts on our ring fingers. We are selling our old wedding rings and going to save up for new ones. She wants to do a new ceremony for our vows.

We have stated our boundaries. Things We are will accept and will not accept.

She says she feels like I will stand by her now no matter what. I making her feel like my queen. She feels like we are working on a strong foundation.

We have both done things that were against our vows. We are both working on our trust. We have a MC appointment hopefully next week, if we can find a babysitter.

We still havent had sex, but touch and kiss on each other a Lot. I told her I don't want our first time to be rushed and her looking over her shoulders because of the boys. So I'm holding off until the right moment.

I'm starting to feel like she is sincere. I have been holding a guard up. I think some form of a guard will be up from now on, but I can start to relax a little more now.

I like to give my W outlook/perspective. I hope it helps other LBS/DBers out there.