It sounds like you've done what you can. It's really hard. It doesn't sound like your husband is an easy one. My counselor and psychologist say my husband is distracting himself to avoid dealing with the issues. Perhaps your husband is doing the same. Surely your husband is aware of his behavior at some level.
I don't blame you for feeling low. That is so wonderful though to have your sons. That's sooooo nice they treated you to dinner!
I wish this forum would let members know each other's contact information but I don't think that's possible. I really do plan to tour more of the UK sometime in the next few years and would honestly be happy to meet you! But it sounds like this site doesn't allow that. There are a few other forums over the years focused on other topics where I've met friends online and they are still real friends to this day.
One thing I noticed from your profile is that you and your husband have been together for a really, really long time. There are almost two ways of looking at it. One would be that if you've made it this long, you might as well stay married and accept how things are. The other would be to say "that's enough" and plan for divorce. It sounds like you're planning for divorce but either way it sounds like nothing will happen, or change, overnight so you are doing the right thing by focusing on your everyday life and business.
There is more I wish to write to analyze the issues more deeply but unfortunately I have to go for now.
I hope the rest of your day goes well and you fall asleep feeling peaceful!
