My idea to separate has been an epic fail

[Caz49]

Hi Nicole, thanks for visiting!

To answer your question, I guess I thought my H and I were in the LRT arena. I mean we agreed a separation was for the best and I told him it wouldn't be half measures like last time...ie no sleeping on the sofa or my bedroom at the weekends to make it easier for him to see the kids.

I guess deep down I thought he would see this as a wake up call...and even though I meant it, I had hoped he'd think 'cr&p I need to sort this out and make my wife feel valued'.

I should've known better, he's gone off to Germany and taken root there, work is the air he breathes, we, mainly me, are not that important to him on a day to day basis. He is very capable of shutting me out as though I don't exist.

His texts today are robotic and interpersonal. I do read the guys on here who would do anything to change and are changing...the difference being, my H doesn't feel that need to change for us, but more especially for me.

I've been feeling good for a couple of weeks, and then today I feel low, tired and worn out. It's all just hard work, and today happiness is elusive. I will feel better again, I have my IC session tomorrow which will help.

I suppose what I should've said is that if I file, he will just carry on as business as usual. He either won't or can't or doesn't want to let it bother him. I don't know which and my IC believes my H likes to keep me in that mind set. Which beggars the question...why am I letting him get to me today?

I feel I've come a long way and eventually I will file, but at the moment I'm not sure what is the right thing to do...so I will just keep on doing my own thing, get the house looking great and concentrate on my business. And plan for my cottage in the countryside with my dogs. My boys know I'm feeling low today and I've been treated to an early dinner, tea and biscuits...I feel I've got something right at least. Two boys (20, 23) who are empathetic, affectionate and just nice people.

I hope you realise your dreams too Nicole...come visit and we'll walk the highlands together!