I think you are on the right track. You obviously need to plan things with your kids but without your W. You just don't need to explain or rub it in each time.
If you plan a trip without W do it but dont tell them "we are going without W because she prefers to be with Om, bla bla bla"
They understand.
As for goals, it is normal. At first it is damage control, then creating a base and then begin the rebuilding.
Start setting simple baby step gaols and the easier they become achieveable become more ambitious.
