Your comments remind me of lots of examples I read in the books by MWD.
Your case seems like you two were 2 ships passing in the night with 2 different love languages. You probably showed your love by working hard so she could have a comfortable life and hers was spending time with you. In any case your example seems text book.
What I was referring to is that you don't come across a a guy who has shown emotional weakness or shown her that you really need her, emotionally and physically. Its all well and good to kiss and make love and do the dishes etc but sometimes women need to see our vulnerable side. Show them we love them, need them and will protect them. Not being a pu$$y, just a more emotionally intimate side.
You come across to me as an organized clear headed do the right thing independant guy who would give his life for his wife no doubt but wont tell her if hes hurting because you're not built that way.
In relationships its about combining dependance and independence.
Anyway I may be wrong but I just don't feel your pain, its more like she burst your pride than broke your heart.
As to your comment about being resentful. If you read the books, you will probably see she was trying to communicate to you but you weren't listening.
I have noticed a constant pattern when things start to spiral. She goes from loving to nagging to silence to BD. I tell all my friends to bless their wives when they are nagging and kiss them because it is their SOS that the marriage is in problems and they are fighting to save it. We take it another way and shut them out until they stop. Then comes the silence where we think we won and are happy with ourselves.
The only problem is that it is the calm before the storm.
Finally, as to your last paragraph about asking her what you did wrong. Her reply is now an excuse and there are many other reasons but I would imagine that what lit the fuse was that comment.
You should really read Men / Mars & Women / Venus book. I have a sense you don't know how women tick.
Don't want over, I am not a psychologist, dont know her mindset but I think (and its my perosnal opinion) you have a chance but just need to be more emotional. Make her feel like a woman.
