My wife and I met when she was 20, I was 34. I had been married previously and had 2 kids, ages 4 and 6 at the time. My first wife cheated several times and my parents also had divorced due to infidelity. We had a great relationship and were that couple that everyone was jealous of. After 4 years we got married. Things were still going great. 2 years later our daughter was born. My wife was also working full time and going to school, trying to get accepted into a nursing program. About 8 months ago she began to get a bit distant from me. Looking back now I can see it probably went a little further back than that. About 6 months ago we started to go to counseling, which did no good at all. By that time we were still kissing, say ILY, sleeping in the same bed, but there was no real intimacy. About 4 months ago, she stated that she was no longer attracted to me and she wanted to stop saying ILY, touching, kissing, etc because she just wasn't feeling it. We were still sleeping in the same bed, just not touching at all. 2 months ago we got into a little argument when she got home late from work. At that time she said that she wasn't happy and left that night to stay with her mom. She has been there for two months now. We talk everyday at least once when our daughter calls to tell the other one goodnight. We occasionally will text something, typically about our daughter. We have also gone out a few times, both with our daughter and by ourselves. We get along good and haven't fought any since she left. I believe a lot of that has to do with changes I've made through solo counseling, coaching, and reading everything I can get my hands on. I feel better about myself than I have in years. I have brought up "us" two times in the past two months, but have been very non-pressuring, basically just asking how she's doing and where we're at. We really haven't discussed what our status is, there has been no mention of divorce, and we have agreed to abide by our wedding vows while apart.
Some other things:
-She did say in counseling that she always sacrificed herself to make everyone else happy (ie didn't go out often with friends because she thought I would get upset due to my past) and felt she could no longer do that. -In counseling she did say several times "I just need to pull my head out of my ass and be there for my family", which never happened. -She met a new single female friend at work about two years ago, who quickly became her "best friend". This friend likes to go out and drink and is very promiscuous, and my W started to go out more often with her work friends about a year ago. -We are both in individual counseling, although she doesn't go very often. -We have been planning for about 9 months for her to quit work in January and finally go to nursing school full time. She is still planning on that which has included being on my health insurance, student loans that we have already applied for together, etc. We have no discussed the logistics of that if she is not living here or we are not together. Also, it is an 18 month program. -She stopped wearing her wedding ring when she left for her mom's, I am still wearing mine.
Currently she is 30, I am 44. Our ages have never been an issue for us. She has always been "old" for her age (she was living on her own at 16 while going to high school). I guess I am "young" for my age (people think im in my mid 30s usually). Our daughter is now 4, our other kids are 15 and 17. She has had very little contact with the older kids, they have tried to talk or text but get a short reply. They are getting pretty angry with her and the situation because they feel she abandoned them also.
I am being patient, giving space, and not pressuring her at all. I feel that I've made great changes in myself, but I know I still have some work to do. I would love to start having more intimate conversations with the W and try to build back the trust and attraction, I'm just not sure where she's at mentally and emotionally.
What do you think?? Thanks!!
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
