I have been reading your situation and found a few things curious.
You come off to me as a guy with fixed non flexible values with everything having to be for a reason.
I see other guys here all over the place and exceptionally weak but all have one thing in common, they show emotion. I get from you the opposite, little emotion, just desire to solve this problem like a business project with calculated steps. Problem is she is playing with a different set of rules. Emotional ones and logic goes out the window.
Some advocate snooping to find out if there is an OM. In a situation like yours tbh my question is does it matter really, unless an affair is a deal breaker. In a situation like yours, she has clearly told you she wants out, an OM is just a distraction for you. The breakdown of the relationship is the underlying issue. I know affairs are delicate and challenge our manhood, pride, etc but even though if we did find out that there was an OM there would then be follow up questions and so on. My advice is forget the OM if you can.
In your posts and many others I see, there is a lot of Detaching and GAL comments. Thats great but have you stopped to wonder what it is she doesnt like about you? Do you think it is just that she likes an OM so that HAS to be the cause? or because you worked your butt off and that caused her to shutdown. Do you know if there are other issues about yourself you need to evaluate?
You seem to be more in control than others but also a lot less tolerant and in these cases where you never know where the next strike will come from, rigidness can your worst enemy.
Probably doesnt make sense but I wish you well to overcome this situation.
