Sandi I have read your entire sitch, front to back... I ask you now what should I do and I will follow it. I have the strength to follow through with whatever it takes and I am prepared for D if it comes to that.
I am more than happy to help, however, let me add something important. You need to learn about the principles and techniques in DBing. Learn and apply the 37 rules, and if you don't understand one, then ask. Make sure you read all the links provided on the welcome post from Cadet. Many newcomers spend time asking questions that have already been explained in these links. I also have several threads about the WW.
I may not be able to provide an outlined step-by-step plan that will cover every situation with every correct word and action, but I think I can tell you many things that do work, and don't work, with a WW. I went through a ton of things in my WW threads.
The first thing I will tell you is to forget In-house Separation. They don't work to reconcile a couple. As many LBH's have said, it's soul crushing. Physical separation has been known to have some successes. However, don't do it just b/c you think I am implying that you should. This is such a terrible time of year for families to split........not that there is ever a "good" time.
The second thing......and I realize I may be suggesting nearly the impossible, is to forget about her being intimate with you. The lack of sex can become a souce for a strained/cold MR, however, having sex is not the answer to fixing the hardened heart of the W who no longer feels attraction & desire for her H. By attraction, I am not just talking about physical attributes in him, but the real person inside the body. If she's not attracted to that guy.......having sex is not seen by her as a "fix-all". Some WW's will have sex with their H when they are actually hot & heavy for OM in their EA. Although sex is important in a MR, I don't suggest you currently use it as a measuring stick. That's JMHO. I believe a wife having sex with her H b/c she desires him, is a natural response. However, she is designed to feel desire for only one man at a time. Yes, she can physically have sex without the desire, but would you want it if you knew she was dreaming of OM? Maybe so......IDK. From what I've read, most H's want to be the guy in the W's mind when they are being intimate.
Third thing, is to be reading the link on boundaries. Don't start trying to set any right now..........just study the subject. Too many men bite off more than they are prepared to swallow. So, study first. Then think about your core values, beliefs, morals, integrity, etc. Do you know what you stand for, or what you won't tolerate? If not, you had better give it a lot of thought.
Got to go for now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
